Hello friends! Sorry for the long silence, this year has been really hard for me for various reasons. So much so that I’ve given up drawing the IZS Comic for the time being. This was a really hard decision for me, one that I whipped myself over for months but for the sake of my mental health, I’ve given the reigns over to my husband and creative partner, Izak.
At the end of last year, I had a look at our savings and I was really pleased to see how far we’d come and how close we were to my dream of owning my own kiln. With my own kiln, I could properly run Little Life as a business, running workshops and creating work on demand. I figured that by the end of the year we’d have enough saved to buy a brand new kiln. However, we’ve had to put that dream aside for now as we’ve found ourselves suddenly on one income. This has been harder for me than I’d care to admit and has taken a toll on my mental wellbeing.
I made the decision many years ago to be open about my constant battle with depression. And though my battle has kept me from feeling able enough to see friends and family on a more regular basis, I’m still blessed enough with the power of the internet to reach out to people. This blog post has taken me many sessions to write so please don’t think I am in any way put together. Also please don’t think I am in any great danger, I’m struggling to be sure, but I am always fighting.
I’ve written about depression before if you’re at all interested in reading about it, I’ve written a wee essay titled *ahem*
Depression; Why it’s a Fuck Face and Some Tips for Shitting on its Fuck Face
(You can read it by clicking the title above)
I’m currently struggling to take my own advice, it’s hard when your body and soul feels like melting into a sad puddle on the floor. The thought of fighting it is so far from your mind, instead, sad Eeyore-like thoughts fill your mind like a canteen. “I don’t mind if you step in this sad puddle as you walk on by, I’m only a puddle.”
Working on my artwork, or, not working on my artwork becomes a constant battle. On one hand, I say to myself, who am I without my work? On the other hand, I think I’d like to spend my spare time as an unhappy rainwater pool if you don’t mind. I have to remind myself that my worth is not measured in the work I produce.
I’ve been able to find joy in tending to my ever expanding collection of houseplants. Tending to their needs and checking them for bugs has given me something to take my mind off everything. I feel like I can set myself aside for a time and try to help something else grow. When one of my plant children puts out a new leaf I take great joy in it. I feel like they help me feel less self-involved, which is a very apparent problem for me at the moment.
Moths appear time and time again in my work for many reasons, I think they are incredibly beautiful, extremely cute and often misunderstood. The main black spot on their records seems to be how they flit around our porch lights or how they come inside if you happen to crack open a door for more than a split second in the evening.
Moths fly using transverse orientation which means they navigate by flying at a constant angle to a light source like the moon. Unfortunately, moths and other insects get confused by our porch lights and end up trapped flying around in an endless loop. A bit like how my thoughts, usually guided by a bigger picture, are now trapped flipping uselessly around a barren lightbulb.
In Maori folklore, the Puriri moth is thought to be a spiritual messenger or the ghost of a relative returning to visit their descendants. Flying out at dusk to deliver their messages from the spirit realm.
They’re a little misunderstood, a little delicate, a bit magical and they like to be painted on pots.
To Long, Did Not Read Version:
I’m ok. I like moths.
Coming up for Little Life Workshop and IZS Comic is Hamilton Zinefest on Saturday the 12th of May (2018). I’ll be there selling some rad ceramics, stickers, zines, posters and we’ll have some brand new foiled prints available. The foiled prints look rad, check them out on my Instagram stories, come check us out at Hamilton. I’ll be there, IZS Comic will be there, Pepper Raccoon will be down from Kerikeri, Sock Review (aka Rachel Lynch) will be up from Wellington and Say Cheese Louise will be there. There is going to be some great speakers including, but not limited to, Ross Murray (and by god, you better be there for that) and Zenobia Southcombe from Blue Mushroom Books. Check it out, drive down from Auckland, drive up from Tauranga, wherever you are, you should come.
See you there!